Honoring What You Release

In my opinion it’s one of the most challenging parts of personal development: releasing.

In order to grow we have to be willing to let go of what’s holding us back. If you’re much for house plants (I’ve killed so many) you know that as you nurture them, they’ll often outgrow their containers. If you keep them in the smaller pot you stifle their growth.

This can be true of people, too. The “pot” can be a relationship, job, or something physically limiting - but it can also be something less obvious like an idea, a self limiting belief, internal dialogue, or even an identity.

In 2018 I went to Thailand for Yoga Teacher Training only a few months after I’d decided to get divorced. I was caught off-guard when, on the first night of school, we were asked to identify what was holding us back in living our intentions for the next month of school; immediately the thought rang in my mind that it was the identity that went along with my married name. The woman I’d been living as for over a decade didn’t fit anymore.

The first step in releasing is recognizing what’s holding you back.

But you’re not done there, and this is the tricky part. It’s not only about getting “rid” of what’s holding you back; but saying thank you first.

You had that person, or idea, or job in your life for a reason. Maybe it kept you safe while you were healing. Maybe it literally helped you pay the bills when you were in a bind. Only you know; but it’s time to say “Thank you”.

Only after you’ve recognized why you needed that thing in your life are you able to move on without resentment or animosity.

Letting Go

You’ll want to find some symbolic way to move on. This doesn’t mean the self limiting idea might not crop up again or that person might not call you again; but when they do you can look at it from a different angle.

Say it’s a friendship that’s dysfunctional. Maybe they have some habits that you can see are a bad influence. In the past when they’d ask you to the bar you’d feel pressured to go; but now you can see you’re your own person. This time when they call you ask if they’d like to do something else instead. You’re giving them an opportunity to reframe the relationship in a healthy way.

The idea is to move on to whatever comes next with a free mind and an open heart.

For me, after that realization, the letting go step was overwhelmingly hard. I drew a picture of my wedding band and cried the entire time as I expressed the deepest gratitude and threw that picture into the fire. But what’s come since has been an incredible journey or rediscovering who I am if I’m not “her”.