Real World Resilience

Let’s get real for a second.

We live in a world of overwhelming challenges.

Climate change. Ecological collapse. Microplastics. Social discord. Economic challenges. War.

Not to mention the resulting mental health challenges & the prevalence of inauthentic, detached, or poorly presented information claiming to “fix” whatever’s ailing us.

What do we do in the face of all that?

For many of us these last few years it’s meant closing off, drawing in, and shutting down.

The numbing habits many of us have developed to cope - whether with the pandemic, our personal trauma, intergeneration traumas & patterns, or societal inequity.

All of that is very real.

At the same time, “resilience” has become a buzz word.

So have burnout, self care, and a myriad of wellness tools ~ all claiming to restore the wellbeing that has alluded many of us for some time.

(It is with no small sense of irony that I share my own content into these same spaces)

It’s time for us to get real.

Real World Resilience

Real World Resilience is the tension between the overwhelming challenges we’re facing and the recognition that if we’re going to not only survive as a species, but maybe even thrive, some things have to change. In order to make those changes we, individually and collectively, have to be the most whole, integrated, and solution-focused versions of ourselves.

If we are to be the change makers in this world we will need all our know-how, problem-solving abilities, creativity, connection, and human potential - we need to actualize.

“but how?!” You might be thinking…

Like much in life, it’s a process.

An unraveling of the tangled chains in each of our lives.

There are a few pillars to get us started:

Pragmatic Optimism:

Real World Resilience is allergic to toxic positivity. No yellow smiley faces needed here.

In order to respond to the challenges we face we must start by being pragmatic. Being 100% honest with ourselves about the situation we’re in so we can respond appropriately. With this comes the mindfulness to not over, or under, react to challenges. Pragmatism isn’t hyper-vigilance, it’s honesty and realism.

On pragmatisms heels must follow optimism. Optimism in this case isn’t a personality trait, it’s what Dr. Martin Seligman calls “explanatory style”. It’s how we relate to life’s challenges. An optimistic explanatory style is one of hope and connection.

In pragmatic optimism we look for the most positive, proactive step one can make - and then take it. Rinse. Repeat.

Self-Possession:

Real World Resilience requires stepping into your self.

Doing the work of mindfulness and self-exploration to map who you are, what you want, what works for you, and what you’re capable of. From that awareness grows self-regulation, self-efficacy, and intentionality.

Translation: you know yourself, you know what you want, you have the belief you can make it happen and you have the control to see it through.

All of these are skills of the self that can be learned, taught, and brought to full expression.

This is the point of “working on yourself” - to find these skills and bring them into the world so you can contribute in the unique ways that are an authentic expression of yourself.

Emotional Intelligence:

Feelings are information coming from your subconscious mind and nervous system. Many of us have been taught to repress or distance ourselves from that information, instead of how to access, interpret, and use it.

Being resilient is not being “tough”, stoic, or shut down - it’s using everything at your disposal to work through challenges and come out the better for them. Not only as an individual, but collectively.

Emotional intelligence within oneself is a font of information that feeds back to being pragmatic and to self-possession.

Beyond the self it is also a vital skill for successful community and communication.

We know that positive emotional states are more creative, connecting, and solution-oriented. We use that knowledge to create emotional states that prime us to thrive. Not out of toxic positivity, but as a strategy for a well-lived, effective, resilient life.

Embodyment:

We cannot remain solution focused if we’re hungry, cold, sick, isolated, dehydrated, and exhausted. The resources to stabilize our foundational human needs are paramount for real world resilience. They’re also the foundation for self-regulation, actualization, and physical fortitude.

Beyond stabilizing foundational needs, we’re learning more every day about how the separation of mind, body, and spirit is a myth.

You are a holistic, integrated organism. What’s happening in your gut is happening to your mind and mood. What’s happening to you emotionally is effecting your digestion, sleep, and human potential. What’s happening with your sense of purpose and meaning is affecting motivation and mood. All of it is deeply intertwined.

Meaning - how you treat your body is how you treat your potential.

Movement, nutrition, sleep hygiene, hydration status, cold plunge, sauna - these are all levers that can be pulled to bring out the best in what each of us is capable of.

All well-being and all resilience are embodied.

Community:

Human beings are deeply social creatures. We pull away from others when we’re overstimulated, scared, traumatized, anxious, or lacking in trust. These are not dispositional act, they are reactive.

In order to meet the very real challenges in the world we must act together.

That starts with building communal connections dedicated to mutual actualization, built in trust, and respecting one another’s autonomy, efficacy, and humanity.

Actualization:

Self-actualization is often represented as the “peak” of Maslow’s Hierarchy; though, fun fact, Maslow never drew that pyramid (it was drawn by textbook manufacturers). Actualization also isn’t the “top” - but it is an important expression of what each of us is capable of.

To actualize is to use your unique gift, skills, and calling to contribute to the world you’re in at the moment you’re in. It’s showing up and showing out.

Strive and struggle sometimes bring out the best of what we’re capable of. In order to find solutions to these incredible challenges each of us must be primed to live out what we’re truly capable of and called to contribute. To actualize.

Solution-Focused:

The point of all this is to orient ourselves towards solutions. How do we meet these challenges, grow together, and create a world that sets those who come after us up for a better future?

It’s no longer as simple as “a chicken in every pot”. To meet these large-scale challenges, some species level and planetary, we will need every actualizer possible.

There will be times that solutions do not present themselves. That will require grit and tenacity. Teamwork and collaboration. It is easy to fall into listing problems, it takes regulation to remain focused on the solutions.

At the heart of all of this is a simple mantra:

We’ll do the best we can, with what we’ve got, right now.
Together.
Then, we do it again.

Resilience in Your Real World

What do we do now?

There are more posts on the way to continue building out this topic… but here are a few podcast episodes in the meantime:

(the links are Spotify but you can find Better Than Fine wherever you get your podcasts)

The Winter 2023 group coaching session will be focusing on Real World Resilience.

You can get more information here.

Darlene MarshallComment