What is "regoaling" and how can it help you?
Where Would You Have Been Right Now?
The past weekend, in the 'before time' I would have hosted a group of friends visiting New York. We had quite a weekend planned - Escape the Room, take a class together, stay up late watching Star Trek Voyager (yes, I'm serious).
But that didn't happen. And while there are many who are worse off than me, I'm still sad and missing my old life, my friends, and my old plans. If we cling too long to those old ideas, we get stuck.
That's why learning to set new goals is an important part of moving through major shocks like the ones we're all going through. Regoaling has some tools to help us do just that.
Developed as a process to help parents of terminally ill children make informed decisions about their child's care, regoaling isn’t easy. But it can be vitally helpful in moments of trauma and struggle.
It's not a linear process, but here are the phases and some helpful tools to get you started regoaling:
Feel What You're Feeling - Whatever emotions are coming up, let them. There's no right way to feel about what's going on.
Accept this Reality - There are many things about this situation we wish we could control and that we wish were different. Accept the things you can not control, but also recognize what you can such as how you use your time, who you choose to be in contact with, and how to use your personal resources.
Release Old Goals When It's Time - You can hold out hope for going to that wedding later in the year; but your favorite spring activities, that big event in May you were looking forward to, and maybe going to work the next few weeks are going to be on hold. Be honest with yourself and accept what you need to.
Ask Yourself: "What can you hope for now?" - This excellent question can guide you to more things you can control and help identify what's still possible.
What's Important For You? - Align your actions in this new reality to what is most important. Your family? Connecting with friends? Caring for your body and mental state? What do you need to invest in now?
Look to the Future - When this is over our lives could still change drastically. For some, that is an opportunity to shape a new future. While there's a lot of uncertainty, what new goals could you set within what you can hope for, what's important to you, and what you can control?
This article originally appeared in the better than fine newsletter.
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